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“The man I had an affair with is back in my life. I am afraid he will tell my husband ”

A woman confessed to a case when she was “young and stupid”, but now her adventure is back in her life and she is worried.

From dangerous connections to other uncomfortable questions of a personal nature, clinical psychologist Jo Lamble answers questions from readers seeking expert advice.


I had an affair many years ago, when I was young and stupid. It has been a night and I have been deeply sorry ever since. Recently, the man with whom I had an affair came back to my life, through friends, and I am concerned that he will say something to my husband. He did not indicate that he would and we do not see him very often, but I am still concerned.

I love my husband and I don’t want to hurt him. Should I just leave things as they are and hope it stays buried?

Young woman comforting unhappy friend

Response from Jo:

I can hear your remorse and the love you feel for your husband. Some people try to get rid of the guilt after an affair by telling their partner what happened. But that only leaves the partner with a huge sense of hurt, betrayal and doubt.

If you decide to tell your husband, you will need to be prepared to support him patiently during his pain while he processes the information and decides what to do about the marriage.

Many people say that they would like their partner to confess if they cheated, only to later wish they hadn’t been warned. If this man has not indicated that he will say anything, it is likely that he will not.

Hopefully, he can see now that you love your husband and are committed to him. You are obviously not flirting with this guy and obviously you prefer not to see him.

So, unless he is the type of person who likes to throw a grenade at someone else’s relationship, you should be able to relax over time. The deep regret you feel should protect you from making the same mistake again.

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